i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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