pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
