Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
