What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
