did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
