how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
