yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
