i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
