He asked to "fluff my boner.."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
