why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
