I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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