you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
