The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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