My hand turned me down
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
