I smell stomach acid.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
