If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
