What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
