The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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