theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You made out with two different species that night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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