Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
