So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
