I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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