Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
