and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
