He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
