Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
