I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
