our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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