she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
