So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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