Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
