now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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