The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
