He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
