3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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