I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
