I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
