I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize