i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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