and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
