no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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