So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
