Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
