fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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