I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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