WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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