Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
