its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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