I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
