I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
