At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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