i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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