fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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