You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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